No one would dare attack the arts of music composition, poetry, drawing, and painting. Why, then, is there such a vendetta against the art of procrastination? Although it is in a category unlike the previous forms, it should still be considered an art that is essential to our culture and life.
I'd like to thank those who oppose procrastination for the horrifying look I just had into their ideal world where it does not exist. You've seen those movies, I'm sure, where all the people are just droning on through their lives like robots, methodically fulfilling duties. Okay, maybe you haven't, but imagine that! Make sure everything you are thinking is in black and white, as all dull, monotonous things are. Slow down the pace of, well, everything. With no procrastination, there would be no hustle and bustle that our holiday songs sing joyfully about. There would be no purpose in the action of running, skipping, or talking really fast. These things are not just a happy addition to life, but crucial and healthy. If everything was done on time, if planning ahead was the only thing anyone knew how to do, there would be no thrill to be experienced in that last minute frantic rush to finish a term paper or report.
Not convinced? Maybe you are one of those people who dreams in slow motion and someday aspires to turn the world black and white. Understandable. I know a few of your kind. But before you root yourself in the campaign against procrastination, let me appeal to the weaknesses I know you have. You hate the sound of your alarm clock because it means you have to begin your tedious day all over again. Procrastination is your friend! You can't tell me you've never hit the snooze button before. In all honesty, you are that person that hits it three or four times every day and then rushes to get to school on time. There you go! You are already an expert procrastinator. That unpredictable rush, the thrill of, "will I make it on time?!" is just what you need to turn your day from tedious and depressing to upbeat and spunky.
"Now that I'm a more upbeat and spunky person, I have lots of friends. I want to spend time with them. Can procrastination help me do that?" That's what procrastination is best for! In fact, without procrastination, there would hardly be time for that at all. Put off those public speaking speeches and literary analysis papers and go socialize. I know it may be hard, after all, the anti-procrastination-ites have thoroughly brainwashed you to think that this is bad. But in the long run you will learn that this allows for the development of stronger relationships with people you will probably need for the rest of your life. Where do your priorities lie?
"But--" you argue, "If I procrastinate my homework, I won't be able to go do all the crazy things I want to over the weekend. My buddies and I wanted to go sky diving, and I can't miss that!" Sky diving, eh? Have you ever been cliff jumping? Driven too fast just to feel the rush? Oh, I know. On the weekends you like to watch action movies and get really into them. When the main character is running from the villain your heart pounds. Forget tragedy, action is your catharsis. I am labeling you: adrenaline junkie. So you of all people should like procrastination! Next time you come upon a red light, procrastinate braking until the last moment. See where that gets you, and then tell me you aren't an advocate of free exercise-procrastination.
Put off what you are doing and join us in the fight! Meetings will probably be held sometime next week at a location to be announced at a later date.
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