(A satyrical approach to the news of the changing of the zodiac signs.)
Curse the radio for ruining my life! All I was doing was listening to the news on the way to school when they started a commentary on the change in the zodiac signs. Pardon me...what? They changed the zodiac signs? Surely this had to be a joke. But as I listened further I realized, to my horror, that this was the real deal. They really were deviating from what the stars tell us after all this time.
Soon enough I heard the full story. "They" (whoever it was that determined astrological things) weren't actually disregarding the stars. They were in fact realizing that somehow the moon's gravitational pull had messed with the stars' alignment with the earth and now we were off by about a month. As a natural result, everyone's signs were changing. I couldn't decide if I was thankful that they had caught the change, or if I was upset that I wasn't going to be a Pisces anymore. On the one hand, what if I had been living my life according to the Pisces horoscope until I died, not realizing that the whole reason I was failing at everything was because I was relying on false advice, while in fact I was an Aries? On the other hand, how does one change loyalties from one sign to another? This was all too much. I turned up the radio to drown out my own confusion.
"Yes...Joshua from Tennessee. You are on the air."
"WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?"
"I'm gathering you are upset about the change?"
"YES! I just got my zodiac sign tattooed on my arm a week ago. Now they are telling me that the signs are changing? What am I supposed to do?!"
I shook my head. How tragic for that poor man. I would be upset too! His tattoo was the very embodiment of how permanent and reliable we all thought the signs were!
"Melanie, from Florida. Talk to us."
"Hi, yes, I was shocked by the change at first. But I'd like to say to all those out there who are complaining about the change, that it will be for the better! This is how I know. My whole life I felt like an alien trapped in my own body. I would wake up in the morning with barely any motivation at all because I didn't ever know who I was. Every once in a while I would read my horoscope when I couldn't find any guidance through anything else and I would just feel even more disconnected and confused about my identity and purpose. Now, with this new change, I read my horoscope and felt alive! It exactly described me and for the first time ever I know who I am! Thanks to this change, I can finally live my life to the fullest!"
I was stopped at a red light when she finished her monologue, but it felt I was at a major mental crossroad in my life. Could this change make my life better? But what of loyalty? What of all the pathways I had chosen simply because my horoscope told me to? If I started following another horoscope now, would I somehow work myself in a pitiful circle of misconstrued decisions? I thought for a moment before avidly proclaiming to myself: "I have been, and forever will be, a Pisces!"
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